I missed class today b/c I was so anxious about the change. I hate change. I want stability, but I seek stability in things that are inherently unstable. I know it doesn't make much sense. I also believe that one cannot stop a behavior without replacing it with something else. So in lieu of my recent change of treatment, I have decided to begin preparing my body for a marathon for the 2012 season. I know it's going to take me a little while to get my body in better shape and better health. I know that it's going to test and try me, but I need something to work towards.
I have the support and the drive. I know plenty of people who are doing this and succeeding at this....I can do it too! I know I can.
Today, I'm going to test and work out and fulfill the basic needs of my body.
Here goes nothing.
The only way for me to change, to succeed in this endeavor is to depend on the people God has placed in my life, appreciate the body and the life God has given me, and to rely on His love through it all.
My heavenly Father is my everything....He's saved me from myself and from my self destruction.
I am thankful today
Update:
I think I have had a pretty good day. I've tested over 6 or 7 times and all scores have
been in range. I guess I'm saying this to say that this is a bit weird for me. I feel happy in
a sense but also afraid. I'm afraid that I won't be able to keep it up. I know that I just need to go moment by moment
but sometimes the moments compound and I feel overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed right now. I feel scared about the effects that the
insulin will have on me. Am going to gain a lot of weight? That's always a concern for me. I just don't know.
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